No more bottles of wine on the wall
by CrazyGirlMe
Summary: It had all started as a simple thing; a tit for tat, you scratch my back and ill scratch yours, for the Prince of all Saiyan's. When Bulma finds out Vegeta's birthday and cons him into letting her celebrate it, instructing him to behave or else. What hope did he have?


**Not mine so don't sue, yadiyada ect.**

**Don't like? Don't read.**

_So basically this is my idea of how I would imagine Vegeta drunk. Even known he is angry and all that on the outside, I imagine him to be somewhat nicer and more of a family man behind closed doors._

_Set in the later stages of the series thus Trunks and Goten._

**No more bottles of wine of the wall. **

It had all started as a simple thing; a tit for tat, you scratch my back and ill scratch yours, for the Prince of all Saiyan's. A little sweet talk in bed here, a little bit of playfulness there; oh how he regretted it now. It was one night feeling the curse of boredom in this great house while being next to his mate to which was reading in bed while he merely laid there in a state of relaxation, that his mind started to wonder. Of all things, it started to wonder what it would be like to let his dear Bulma dominate him in bed for a change. To what it would be like for him to be tied up, begging and ready to give up everything just for the chance to release.

It was during the early stages of their relationship that this thought crossed his mind. However being the strong Saiyan that he was, he knew that it was unlikely that it would ever happen. Rope was nothing him. Rope was a piece of string compared to his strength. Feeling a little frisky, he rolled to the side and started playing his partner. A trail of kissed up her neck, his deep growling husky voice while his hand closed her book, putting it aside before letting it freely wonder along her body.

'_If only we had some Saiyan proof rope, you could have your way with me...' _it never ceased to amaze him how much he truly let his guard down around this earthling. How much of himself he showed. Needless to say that a week later he entered the bedroom to find Bulma dressed dominatrix style, sitting saucily on the edge of the bed, awaiting his entry, playing with a special piece of rope.

By the end of that night, not only did she know his birthday, she also knew much of his preferences and thoughts on things. As much as he regretted letting her have the upper hand; deep down he kind off enjoyed it.

For many years she pestered him of having a birthday party in honour of surviving another year in the world, and for just as many years he denied her the pleasure. Birthdays were nothing to him growing up, why change that now? While he did join in the celebrations that was his wife and sons birthday, his was a no go zone. Vegeta made that quite clear to anyone who had an intention of throwing a party that if they did then he would literally ground them into a thousand pieces to which he would then proceed to piss on. Either that or feel it to the neighbour's dog depending on how generous he was feeling at the time.

While it had stopped ninety nine present of people from trying, it didn't phrase Bulma. She saw straight through him, she knew that he would dare lift a finger against her, let alone the family or relatives. Over the years she grew more persistent and he never changed his stance on the matter. However she got him with his guard down and at her mercy to agree to let her do something during one of their bondage sessions.

The idea infuriated him and while he wouldn't admit it out loud, she just want to have a normal family life, he was alien who spent half his day in a gravity chamber training to become stronger than the other lone surviving full-blooded member of their race, while spending the other half of his day cranky. Bulma, on the other hand, used the excuse that for just one year, she wanted to be able celebrate the man of her life like a normal human would.

'_Stupid human traditions, I should have wiped the lot when I had the chance a long time ago.' _Was the last thought that went through his mind when he went to bed the night before, pulling his wife over as they snuggled into slumber, arm draped across her hips._ 'Stupid human feelings, I've really let myself go, surrendered to their emotions and needs. Curse you Frieza.'_

...

"Wakie wakie, Sleepyhead."

Vegeta groaned as the song like voice of his wife continued to drag him from his sweet sound slumber. He had dreaded this day for a long time now and having to wake to this manor, let alone at such an unholy time was edging him to the endless abyss that was his angry mood. He rolled over, back now facing his love to which sat on the side of the bed.

Bulma smirked. She had no doubt that Vegeta would make every task about today hard. Not that she let that stop her. Reaching out, she lightly trailed her nails along his naked ribs, making him twitch and shiver. "Veeegggeeeeettttttaaaaaaaaa...I goooott aaaa suuurrrrppprrriiiisssseee ffoooorrr yyyooooouuu."

"Go away, woman. It is still an awfully early hour of the morning to be dealing with your pestering." A mumbled voice, talking into the pillow no doubt, returned.

She playfully wacked his behind before leaning across to the bedside table to pull across a tray that she had prepared, resting it on his hip, making him shift around still half asleep. "What is it, Woman? I swear if you forced me from my slumber for something as pathetic as the giving of presents in bed then you have another thing coming."

"Oh don't be like that, it's your birthday, and you promised after all. Plus, you said nothing about breakfast in bed; anyway, everyone's coming for lunch so you need to get up regardless of how horrible the time is."

"Remind me why I married you, woman."

A smile laced her lips as she nudged the tray for him to interact with. Bulma sometimes considered Vegeta somewhat of a child or a lost dog or something, she having to hint as to how he would go about with it. Not that she minded. He was hers after all and truthfully, they were perfectly matched for the other, especially personality wise. "Because I have the means of creating a Saiyan sized meal without going bankrupt?" upon lifting the lid on the plate on the tray to revel a hundred stacked pancakes drizzled with honey, and pulling a bottle of White wine from the floor, complete with blue bowtie. "And you love me, admit it."

For an answer the Prince leaned across and pulled his wife into a kiss, all but grunting with satisfaction. "A prize fit for a King and no less. Now why do you insist on such monkey poison at such an hour?" Vegeta added in reference to the bottle that Bulma was presenting.

Leaning down to pick up the two wine glasses she had placed to the floor while her man was still dead to the world, so to say, she continued. "Alcohol in the morning is nothing! Obesely, you haven't been to collage. Go there and no matter the time, there is always someone locked in their dorm drinking or doing drugs of some kind...not that I did any of that, well, not all the time anyway. Drinking yes, but the drugs was a big no - no. I got better standards then that!

"And nor should you I shall take great pride in grounding them into a thousand pieces and sending such pieces to their loved ones in a box. Now let us get on with this petty excuse for a day so come tomorrow; I can add it to the list of days I never want to experience again."

"Excellent!" Bulma added as she handed to two glasses to Vegeta and popped the cork on the bottle afore moving to sit upon his legs, opposite the breakfast tray to share with the man, knowing damn well that she was one of the few who get away with eating the Saiyan's food.

"So in terms of this tradition, if I understand it right then where is my present?"

Bulma laughed. The stubbornness let alone self insistence of her man made him a very fascinating creature. "Oh that, that is something for me to know and you to find out. Tonight you get that one, not before, not before."

...

"So where's the birthday boy, Bulma? Can't have one without the other...though I'm kind of surprised that we even got this far without being blown up in some form or another." Krillin casually asked as he sat at the table, eyeing the surroundings moments later in case a certain Saiyan so just happened to appear at that moment in time, as Bulma went about setting the table for a lunch with the help of her parents while the rest of the guests talked and danced around the yard, all waiting for the last of the invited to arrive before eating.

Waving her hand as she placed down the stack of plates that it was seconds before holding, she rolled her eyes. "Common Krillin, give the guy a bit of credit would you. You're insulting me here as well."

The warrior backed up in his seat, arms surrendering, eyes flicking from side to side all too sure that Vegeta would come to his wife's rescue now. "No no no! I didn't mean it like that...I mean it as..."

Bulma cracked up laughing as she accepted a plate of food from her mother to place it on table. It never ceased to amuse her how much Vegeta scared her fellow friends, it amused her even more when they thought that they had offended her and that she was supposably going to send her husband after them. "Relax! We have a deal, that's all. He knows that my reputation is on the line as well. Not to mention Trunks's. Anyway, I doubt he would do much, he's already had three and half bottles wine and he aint stopping anytime soon."

Krillin opened his mouth, a second from response when the question was answered for him as the person in question all too happily greeted it rival as he arrived, from the inside of the house. Vegeta's creepily happy voice travelling all the way to the backyard through the open door.

"Ah Kakarot! My favourite clown half breed! How are you today?"

For all his restraint, for all his content with the person before him; Goku couldn't control himself any further when he was dragged into a hug from the shorter Saiyan. His wife and son backing away hugging the other out of uncertainty. "Woa there, big guy! Ummm..." hands half showing his surrender, half going to pat the other on the back.

Goten snuggled even further into Chi Chi, to which in turn hugged her son harder. "Mum, what's wrong with Trunks's dad? It's really scaring me...Is he dying?"

Vegeta burst out laughing as he pushed Goku away, bending over, cluching his stomach in the hilarity of it. Truthfully he thought the exact same thing. He felt good and at the end of the day, wasn't that what mattered? On a day like today, he needed it. _'If I am dying, so be it! Anything to get through this day without doing too embarrassing. Least I get through the retread thing in a better mood.'_

"Are you feeling alright, Vegeta?..You're not running a fever or anything...I think its best you lay down or something, I'll go tell Bulma." Goku asked, hand cautionly feeling the others forehead for any signs of sickness. Seeing the guy in such a happy state was...well, something had to be wrong. Either that or he lost it once and for all.

"Nonsense, Kakarot! I feel perfectly fine. Better then fine. Now I've been instructed to lead any guests that arrive to the back for further greeting and settling. As it is, you're the last to arrive. Now where be that other son of yours and the fool's daughter he keeps around his arm?" the Prince added as he ushered the trio to follow him through the house.

Goku shared looks with his wife and son before they all concluded that it was best to follow the Saiyan, playing to his game. "Gohan called earlier, said something about Videl and him being called to help out on something important from the city mayor. Who are we to say no to that? He said they would be a little late."

"Can't be worse then you, my friend." Vegeta paused to slap Goku on the back.

The normally orange clad Saiyan cleared his throat and continued following the Prince while thinking through all other possibilities as to why the normally blue clad Saiyan would be actuating as such. "He's drunk...is all I got. Drunk or dying."

Chi Chi nodded, arm patting her husband on the shoulder.

...

Needless to say that lunch went by in the calm that was chatter, laughter, food, friends, family and booze. The remaining missing members arriving halfway through, tired and breathless but sat down and got straight into the mood regardless of their exhaustion. As time passed, the food was cleared to make room for snacks and cake.

Everyone generally stayed seated at the table, if any, more relaxed than before. Goten and Trunks ran around with the boundless energy that was youth with Mr Popo, Korin, Dende, Puar, Pan, Turtle, Videl, Marron and Chaozu, while the adults talked and watched while enjoying the calm.

Bulma, lost with said calm while enjoying the sight of her husband drinking from a glass that would have added up with wine bottle count to ten, slouched in his chair, feet lazily upon the vacant chair next to him that was Trunks's, couldn't help but wonder to when they first met. "I still can't believe you had brown hair when we first met."

"Hmm?" the Prince looked to his wife, mind clear and at ease while everyone at the table, both light and darker of characters, paused thinking back to the memory of the man that they had come to terms with having such a different shade of hair.

"Yeah, when you and Nappa first came to earth, you had brown hair at the time. I noticed you were letting it grow out during our time on Planet Namek."

Vegeta chuckled at the thought of 'our time'. That certainly wasn't the way he remembered it being, but given the way things turned out, who was he to complain?

Needless to say that the statement alone was enough to stop Trunks in his tracks with curiosity. "Wait, you used to have brown hair, dad?"

Piccolo grinned, arm loosely slung over the back of his chair, he too experiencing the wounder that was alcohol however no way near as much as anyone else, let alone the normally angry Saiyan opposite. "That he did, I can assure you that, Trunks."

After downing the reminding liquid from his glass, he refilled as he spoke, amusement lining his voice at the various memories as he explained. "I actually went through a lot colours before coming to the brown. At the time, I was going through what you humans call a 'punk-rebellious' period. It was a time where I was purposely testing the tyrants patients, seeing which buttons I could push and get away with it. He hated it dearly and expressed how I was disappointing him. Like that ever affected me! I had no respect for him from day dot. Truthfully, it made me feel like I had power over the beast.

"While black my natural colour, I sampled many, including red, green, white and even purple. Even sampled a couple piercings but they didn't last. Mind you, hair colour wasn't the best of choices I have made in my life. I'm also the reason as to why Nappa shaved his head. It wouldn't have been the first time that I had dyed his hair the most horrid of colours for pissing me off..." Vegeta paused for a few moments, after which deciding to take a drink, unsure if he was sharing too much information or not. Unsure if he should be sharing this part of life with people who barley trusted him as it was. _'Blast it; Kakarot and Bulma are the only ones who know most about my past as it is. If the fools have any questions, then they can ask them.' _

"It was after a particular rather brutal beating for my disobedience from Frieza that I really lost it with Nappa. After barley managing to make to my quarters in one piece, the idiot decides to rub my actions in further. Fuelled by my new found anger and frustration, I beat him to a pulp. Was moments away from turning him to dust when I had a rather repulsing idea, one to which included the usage of a rather strong and rash inducing superglue."

By this time, the Saiyan had the attention of all people on the property. All eyes and ears looked on with interest and curiosity. It was rare to hear the Prince talk about his pre-earth days let alone so loosely and calmly let alone happily, not a trace of anger or frustration in his voice.

Goten, who had taken a set upon Goku's denim clad lap spoke up while Trunks leaned against the table on crossed arms. "So what you do to Mr Nappa, Vegeta?"

Vegeta grinned. One that showed how relaxed, calm and content he really was. One that, up until that point, had never left the confines of their home, saved only for his earth family. It was a grin that looked at home on his features despite how little it got used. Patting his lap for his son to jump up on, he continued. "Jeice, for some unknown reason that still to this day I have yet to figure out, had a pink tutu in his wardrobe, so after the painful work of removing his clothing, I super glued the tutu to his bare skin, none to sparsely mind you. As to why Frieza had ten boxes of the substance in storage on the ship baffled me, however at the time I was far from complaining. After ensuring that I had placed far more than enough and then some more, I went about on the task that was his hair. Again from the closet of Jeice, I found a mid length wig...you know I'm almost too sure that he was hiding in the closet. What male warrior in their right mind has a wardrobe full of female cloths and the accessories to match?

"Well after some creative output on such wig, I had coloured it to match that of a rainbow to which I proceeded to glue upon Nappa's head. It took a full three weeks for the glue to soften enough on both items to dislodge either. He got the idea, never grew his hair since, never purposely got on my nerves either."

...

"FU-SION-HA!"

"FU-SION-HA!"

"FU-SION-HA!"

Vegeta groaned as he turned to his back and held his pillow over his head. _'It's getting louder!? How is that even possible?'_ Last he remembered was...breakfast in bed with Bulma promising him that her present would come later on in the day. He loosely remembered eating lunch, but that was it. Across the room he heard an amused chuckle coming from his wife before she sighed and crossed the room to sit by his side, placing a hand on his naked chest.

"Oh Vegeta! You poor thing."

"I can hear the amusement in your voice, damn it, woman." The Prince muffled in return from behind the pillow.

"Don't be silly." It was far from the truth that she cared to not admit to her blind prince at the moment.

"I can still hear it in your voice. You mock me of my pain. I'll remember this next time you awake in the current state, consequence of your actions the day before or when you next require sexual stimulation from yours truly." Vegeta allowed himself a calming breath before working up the courage to remove the one thing blocking some of the harsh sunlight and noise that was reigning terror to his senses, his hung-over senses. "What is the meaning of such barbaric noise outside? Trunks should know better than to do so next to our window. Speaking of which; what is the time?"

Bulma stroked her mans check as he moved the pillow before lying across his chest. "Currently; eight thirty in the morning and Trunks isn't next to the window, he is down the back of the yard practicing the fusion technique with Goten."

"Well I claim to it otherwise. Why is the clown's offspring here at such an early time? Doesn't anyone on this planet require sleep?"

"You honestly don't remember anything from yesterday do you?"

Vegeta sat up, lightly setting his wife to the side, palm going to his head as it pounded wish such harshness that usually went next to pain in the whole of his body the day after a world saving fight. This wasn't such day. His free hand going to his stomach as he decided his next course of action; speak or rush to the bathroom. After a moment's decision, he spoke up. "Apart from you waking me up at such an unholy time of the morning to bring me substance while telling me to behave myself and that my present from you will be given at a later time of the day? I have vague memoires of eating lunch with the freak show that you call friends. Other than that, my mind remains empty."

Bulma quietly laughed to herself as she too sat up, crossing her legs, all self control going into not cracking up laughing at her usual volume. What Vegeta was remembering was just the surface of the day. Remove that and what you were left with was a shell of his former self. Someone to which everybody loved and laughed at; someone to which they would sadly never again see surface, even in a million years.

"You best be telling me as to why you're so amused?" the Saiyan went on, not bothering with the usual threat antic, knowing that they held no use on his wife.

"Well...where do you want to start?"

Vegeta was about to spit a reply when the next round of yells sounded from outside, momentary throwing his words off.

"_FU-SION-HA!"_

"_FU-SION-HA!"_

"_FU-SION-HA!"_

"They say the start is a good place as any."

Bulma took a breath before starting, trying to decide where to start, let alone if she should be telling him any of what happened. "...Well, you were pretty well behaved, I must say that. I was actually quite impressed...so was everyone else..."

Vegeta cringed at the thought, all but face palming himself at the idea. He had a reputation to keep up after all. "Woman, it would be best to avoid talking about my behaviour on such day in future. What happened on my birthday, stays on my birthday, as it is said in your human tongue, is it not?"

"Yeah, that's about it, give or take a couple words. Well you were...well, I had no idea where you were up till lunch; I was too busy setting up. Only found you when you greeted Goku... and creped him out dearly doing so, his family too, mind you. Other than that...after lunch we started talking about your hair colour, to which you went on to telling us funny storeys from your past."

"...what did I share?"

Bulma crossed her arms. She could tell him but where would that leave her? It was somewhat amusing seeing the guy in such a state of unknown and shock. While it amused her, she couldn't help to laugh. It was in a way, a taste of his own medicine. "Well let's just say that some of them stories involved nudity, pranks, very bad words, and for that one, I was glad the kids were away playing, other than that, other amusing things that I will refuse to refresh your memories with."

The prince glared, the look having long ago lost its effect on the love of his life. "I see my bad habits have rubbed off upon you; I'm not sure if I should be impressed or disgusted."

"I would say impressed, however I must say that I was like this before we met, only...not as bad."

"And that's ment to make me feel better?...you know what, never mind, forget I asked. What else did I apparently do in my drunken state?"

Bulma looked to the window and back to her man. "You were playing with the kids, pretending to be a monster and let them fight you...that was very cute and fun to watch...other then the drinking and falling asleep...nothing much new."

The Prince nodded, he could live with that. Not like he had a choice now. _'What is done, is done. Never again!'_

Bulma cracked up laughing, reading the thoughts running his mind, it was a good five minutes before she calmed enough to talk. "Although, hahaha, I can't promise about the photos though."

"_FU-SION-HA!"_

"_FU-SION-HA!"_

"_FU-SION-HA!"_

The prince visibly shuddered, hand going straight to his head as the pounding increased tenfold. A blush running to his cheeks with embarrassment at the very thought that he will never live this one day down. Chances are that if there were pictures then there more than likely would be videos. Looking to his wife and the laugh she was trying so hard to hold back he growled, while he was going for fierce and scary, it sadly came out as weak and pitiful. "Don't you dare!"

Holding up her hands in mock serener, Bulma grinned. "I wouldn't dream of it." she watched as Vegeta stood, taking a moment on unsteady feet as he once again went into to deciding if he was going to be sick or not afore making way over to the window , opening it and leaning out.

"WHY, IN THE NAME OF FRIEZA, ARE YOU TWO MAKING SUCH INFERNO RACKET AT SUCH AN HOUR?!" The image would have been perfect had he not had to hunch his shoulders and clutch his head by the end of it.

Goten was the first to looked in the directing and run over. Trunks realising a moment later with an exclamation of _'Hay' _as he ran over to join. "Moring Mr Trunks's dad! Did you sleep well? You were quite tired when we left last night; you fell asleep on the couch and fell onto my dad's lap."

It took all Vegeta power to not lose it then and there, instead opting to lower his head in his hands afore raising it to speak once more. "Any of you two care to answer my question before I come down there myself?" there was no point fighting _that_ battle while his body was in such state.

This time it was Trunks who answered, knowing better then to play games with his father at such an hour, let alone before at least three coffees. "Goku told us yesterday that in order to become as strong as you; we need to practice real early in the morning, staring with our fusion technique. He said that louder we are, the more power gets released. He said to do it where you can look out the window and see our training to correct us if we're doing it wrong."

The prince closed his eyes and ducked back in the window. Mind thinking the comment over while ignoring the throbbing pain it was shooting back in response to such action. "...That is...where is the logic behind that?! What rubbish!"

Bulma snorted. She knew damn well why Goku told the boys that. "You know he told them that on purpose, right? Knowing that you would be hung-over and irritable."

Vegeta growled. "Wouldn't surprise me, that clown is always looking to make my life a living hell."

"You know, he had about as much to drink as you yesterday. I think he would be feeling about the same. You's had a sort of drinking contest which ended with you two edging Piccolo to have a drink, to which lead to a drinking match between him and Gohan. I still have no idea how you convinced him to even partake in a drink let alone a contest." Bulma went on.

He was about to walk away from the window and leave the kids be when another idea crossed his mind, causing him to lean back out. "Well then, take your training to the one who taught the technique in the first place. I have no need let alone use for such silly dance. However what I can tell you is that you's are not being loud enough. Power travels with the voice! Right now I would call you's cowards that are extremely weak. I would even waste my time fighting such fools. Now go, go and train next to Kakarot's window and let him supervise!"

Both kids looked to each other afore returning attention to the Saiyan and gave a salute, flying off afterwards. "SIR, YES SIR!"

It was after he ducked back in with a trademark amused coy grin, that a thought sunk in. He would deal with the rest later when time called for it, but for now, _this _needed to be tended to. "Bulma; I am in dire need of a shower and scrub down. I have been irreversibly contaminated by coming in contact with Kakarot. Burn all yesterdays items of cloths." Taking off his undies with high disgust, he dropped them to the floor and made quick time moving away from them, going to the bathroom, hands held up ensuring that he touched else.


End file.
